Tag Archives: Conscious Mind

THE GOLDEN EGG- Conclusion

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I had dinner with a very strongly opinionated local French girl who had a near death experience.  She said, “you probably meditate all wrong”.  My ego reacted with self righteous indignation, “how dare she!”  I explained, politely for the most part,  that she was obviously full of shit because I had learned from the best of the best.  And, every day for years I did this routine…20 minutes, incense and candles, emptying my mind..blah blah blah.  She said you’re just chasing the good feelings, the light (well, who wouldn’t want to do that, that’s the point, right?); but what about really feeling the dark shadow side?”  (These are my words, not her exact words).  

I’m thinking, where you focus is what your reality becomes.  Where your energy level is, is the place from which you create your thoughts, emotions, your projections, your reality.   Well, they say, when you’re ready, the teacher appears.  I seem to have a flock of them, dropping out of the sky, showing up at the end of my driveway or from behind the barn.  I pay attention to some of them right away and others….maybe I have an “Aha” moment a year or two later.

…For example, a year ago, I met this stranger on an airplane.  He referred a book to me that had some “aha” things that I felt were important for me to know at this time. Ironically, a year ago I was not yet at this point, which is probably why I carried his note around for months, even losing it from time to time.   Only recently had I become intrigued with examining Big Love, to find my version of the “Golden Egg”. 

I found the referred book to be all Quantum and combined Eastern and Western Philosophies.  It spoke more specifically to the interplay of light and darkness, and other dualities that cause chaos within ourselves and in our Universe….

The book that Airplane guy wrote down for me was “The Science and Practice of Humility” by Jason Gregory.  It turns out that Jason is a teacher and international speaker specializing in the fields of Eastern and Western philosophy, comparative religion, metaphysics, and ancient cultures, studying the masters in Buddhism, Gnosticism, Hermeticism, Hinduism, and Taoism and produced the Sacred Sound of Creation.”  I have gathered and would like to share some concepts as I understood them, as well as excerpts from his book.  I found it all quite interesting and believe it to be my next stepping stone in my search for “Big Love.”

Jason Gregory says, “The mind is like a paint brush and the world we see is our canvas.  Mental alchemy is the art of manifestation, which is not as simple as thinking glorious thoughts.  Throughout the ages these teachings have given rise to the illusion that we can create our own reality by just focusing on what we want.  That is only an attempt to gain something in the material world to boost and perpetuate the ego.  It maintains the illusion of separation.  A mental projection coming from the ego won’t be what we truly want or need.  Such delusions will not result in the manifestation of our conscious projections.  In such a case attention will not be focused in one place, and there will be no force behind it to become a reality.  Those who attempt to create their own reality from the egotistical side of their psyche are no better than those who are not aware that they create their own reality.  Both are contributing to a collective projection of chaos and entropy because their mental states are not focused in one direction.”

The core of our spiritual awareness is to know that the universe is not separate from us but we are joined as one living, breathing conscious organism.  If we are the eyes of the universe, we see that all of the war and discord on one level is actually harmony on a higher level.  The chaos is necessary and is the rhythm of the eternal harmony.

                     ALCHEMY AND THE PHYSICAL PLANE

Physical Relationship Relative to Subatomic Particles:

Most of our problems throughout the cosmos originate from our not understanding how subatomically our world is connected to our thoughts and emotions.  “Subatomic particles are controlled by the mental plane of consciousness, which creates the physical world.”  Thus we create the reality we experience, every moment of it.  We are distracted by ego, which focuses on the inauthentic “love and light” and wants only to experience pleasant realities.

Physical Projection and Mental Alchemy::

If we can understand the energetic world, we will begin to understand why certain situations and events cross our paths.  Soon we will gain a deeper knowing and intuition.  The physical world is only energy driven and shaped from the mental plane by the energy of the mind.  Magnetic opposites, the physical and mental planes exist under a universal law that allows one to flow to the other.

“Physical matter is condensed energy formed and created by the force of the mind.  The wisdom traditions of eternity know we create our own reality…..focusing their energy on the mental plane toward conscious manifestation, they created an ancient science known as ‘mental alchemy.’  Alchemy is the science of turning mental thoughts into golden projections upon the physical world or, in other words, turning the lead of the ego into gold.”

To find out who you are, you can use the art of mental alchemy  by exploring your consciousness to discover the things that are natural to your inner being.  “Then your energy will naturally flow toward that passion and then your art will be expressed on the physical plane – hence you create your own reality.  One of the main goals in mental alchemy is exactly this discover of one’s purpose, which leads one down the path toward deeper realization of the true self that unfolds like a flower.”

EGO AND CHOAS

Focusing on Love and Light is not the answer:

He says,  that individuals who believe they are creating their own reality by just focusing on ‘love and light’ while ignoring our darker aspects of being, are contributing to the disruption and chaos. “The result of ignorance within our being is that the subatomic world we create manifests as the physical world in a perpetual state of war.  This stimulates a deep fear of all life, which maintains the illusion of separation.  War is nothing more than a symptom of an individual’s conditional psyche projected into the physical plane.”

Duality and the price we pay in our search for Pleasure only:

We are focused on the illusion, as human beings, of being separate.  This breeds fear but fear is not the enemy.  Fear can be a guide to become more humble.  We do not want to feel fear or pain, so we control that instinct by seeking pleasure.  This is a control based on duality and denies that the existence of both pain and pleasure are not really separate feelings.  Pain can only exist because we know pleasure and vice versus.

If we truly knew this and were able to genuinely embrace both, then we would not be gripped by fear and pain.  When we identify with pleasure, we then cling to it, trying to hold on; but this only contributes to a form of suffering.  In actuality, the moment we seek to hold on, we have lost the pleasure of being in that moment of pleasure.  We become so attuned to the false ego that this creates the disharmonic state of mankind.

Healing Chaos:

We want to believe that the chaos of the world –such as political, social, or religious–can be rectified leading us to our next evolutionary step.  Evolution is dependent upon the growth of the individual and not the order of a society.  Dwelling within the body-mind state of consciousness, we are trying to heal a chaotic world with a chaotic mind.  When we believe they we are the identity of ego, we believe in separation.  Separation is the seed of chaos.   The flaw exists in all of us and our world is a reflection of that.

SEPARATION FROM EACH OTHER AND GAIA

Most of us do not understand that we are part of Earth, not separate from it.  That belief is apparent today more than ever as we challenge, insult and destroy our planet, our home, thinking of it as a place to live without truly knowing that it is ‘conscious intelligence’.  Ego is a manufactured mental program that operates within most sentient beings, keeping the physical plane in a state of chaos. We see the planet in a narrow form and don’t see ourselves as an integral part of a grand planetary unfoldment.   “Ego is the ultimate extension of a planetary system’s sensitivity” but cannot see that the universe is constantly unfolding.  Nothing begins and nothing ends. It just changes.

We accept the illusion that the source of the universe and eternity are found outside of our consciousness in the external world.  This includes socially accepted slavery through transactions to obtain what we call money.  This makes us even more separate in what often appears to be a dog eat dog world.

Duality and Ego Transcendence:

“The duality existing within the mental framework is built on the premise that there is the false ego and the true self.  The problem with this view is the fact that the ego does not exist.  Many people who tread the path of spiritual cultivation make a common mistake in this view of their own mental framework-after identifying the ego chattering within their head, they set out to battle against it.  Some arrogantly set off to transcend the mind, not realizing that nothing is more egotistic than that.”

To transcend the mind, we must empty our mind in order to reestablish connection with the spiritual plane.  This is the only space where duality no longer exists and opposites within and without dissolve.

Separation and Conflict:

“Humility allows the universe to be what it is, looking upon it with the same clarity as the child who sees the world with no boundaries. As the dance of chaos continues, the humble individual is unfazed, as they do not doubt their own experience.  The idea that the world needs to be saved is a conditional opinion, based on our fears and anxieties, which feed our ego.  The opinion of one is the opposite of another, which fuels conflict.”

SO WHAT ABOUT BIG LOVE?

It’s Bigger than carnal Love:

Throughout the ages, a collective parasite has infected us with the illusion that carnal love is real love.” Believing that our animal drives are love suppresses the evolution of consciousness.”  True Love is limitless and sexual desire is a distant cousin which only ties us to the animal kingdom.

Conditional vs. Unconditional Love:

“Loving an individual or some object is conditioned by ideas and opinions about how the other and object should be”.  This is not the attuned and receptive nature of the universe, thus it cannot be humility or love.  “What love truly is cannot be experienced unless one is humbly receptive to all experience.”  When we finally truthfully realize that love is unconditional, and not bound by the limitations of our judgments, only then can we let go of the common conceptual idea of love.  In the great work of eternity, if we can truly let love go, then our real love will become present. False love is also a symptom of the illusion that the great work of eternity is in the external world.”

Every person who I’ve met that has experienced a “Near Death Experience” or every NDE’r who’s book I have read, talks about the profound understanding that all of us are connected and how they can suddenly telepathically understand everyone else.

Jason says, “One of the resulting insights into consciousness is that even though individuals appear separate from all life in the physical plane, we are more intrinsically interwoven into the fabric of matter than we can imagine.  In this pure seeing we can gain knowledge that we are not only an integral part of the cosmos, but are in truth the eyes and the ears of the cosmos and planet Earth.”

From Lao-tzu’s eternal scripture the Tao Te Ching, on Duality

When people see some things as beautiful,

other things become ugly.

When people see some things as good,

other things become bad.

Being and no-being create each other.

Difficult and easy support each other.

Long and Short define each other.

High and low depend on each other.

Before and after follow each other.

Therefore the Master

acts without doing anything

and teaches without saying anything.

Things arise and she lets them come;

things disappear and she lets them go.

She has but doesn’t possess,

acts but don’t expect.

When her work is done, she forgets it.

That is why it lasts forever. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE DILEMNA OF BEING HUMAN

This is the  screensaver that I ignore every day when I turn on my computer.  Surprisingly, today I saw it through different eyes.  I’m sharing this because MAYBE I’m not the only one that needed a little wake up call or a gentle reminder before it’s too late.

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I remember waiting in line at Starbucks one day a few years ago shortly after my son had died.  A Colorado man who was in his final stages of cancer wrote a book that was displayed for sale at that local Starbucks.  At the same time my son died, I had just lost three of my closest friends, two who had died of cancer.   I wanted to know what this man was thinking and going through; so I bought the book.

The author started out talking about the company he had built from the ground up and proceeded to give detail upon detail of how he had made it successful.  While I would expect that, especially of anyone who had tied their value to their accomplishments, I was shocked when the entire book, other than one chapter was all about what he had accomplished in his career.   This man relegated one token chapter to the introduction of his lovely wife and children as if he felt they deserved being mentioned.  With a flourish, he then finished his book with his legacy, his company.  I felt sorry for him.  He had all the money in the world but he couldn’t save himself from himself.

Most of us probably weave our loved ones in and out of the different chapters of our lives.  We are the lucky ones.  What is the measure of a life?  I’m sure for some it is being a big movie star, a rock star, a President or famous author like Hemingway.  That would be awesome, coming here to experience that.  Many times there is a huge price for that fame and glamour as told in their stories or evidenced by movies about their lives.  And, what about the rest of us?  If we are a “nobody” in our own eyes, was our life a failure?  A lost cause?  Will anyone even care if we lived or died?  I’ve always had a dream to write Legacy Stories for others.  When I asked, I can’t tell you how many people said humbly that they didn’t have anything important to write about.  So, I’m asking you, what matters or is important to you about your life?

I believe at the end of the day, every one of us yearns to know the measure of our life.  We want to know that our life mattered in some small or huge way to someone, that it was worthwhile.  We want to believe that we will be missed and remembered when we are gone.

What if there is nothing to do but just be fully invested in each moment of your life, seeing and living it like an innocent child full of wonder?  Watching it unfold through the Omnificent Observer instead of the eyes of Ego?  What if the only reason you came here was to experience you being you?

ALCHEMY AND THE GOLDEN EGG- Part II

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…A year ago, I met this stranger on an airplane….

He was a handsome man about my age.  He sat by the window listening to music and didn’t look up as I crawled clumsily over the isle guy, falling into the middle seat next to him.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m about the same in airplanes as elevators, not especially social; but he didn’t even glance up for a perfunctory “hello.”

In mid-flight, I was trying to get my book out of my carry-on under the seat in front of me.  Of course, the seat in front of me was by now in a ‘laid back relax’ mode.   We all know what that means.  When you try to reach your bag, you can’t get your head forward enough without hitting the seat in front of you; so you either need monkey arms or you need to be flexible like a contortionist.  Struggling, I believe my head was practically in Airplane guys lap before he finally took his ear buds out.

We exchanged about five minutes of small talk; maybe ten.  Isn’t it funny that this is how it happens, some of the profound moments of your life?  Speaking of profound, during that time I must have said something insightful because he admitted he hated talking to people on the airplane.  He said that whatever I had said changed his view about something that apparently impacted him deeply.  Whatever it was, I’m sure it was ‘of me” but not “from me’ as I have no recollection of what I might have said. He then told me to pick up a copy of a book. He scribbled the title of this book on a tiny, itsy bitsy yellow stick um pad.  With a flourish he added his email address below it and reattached his ear buds to his head.  I was flattered and always thought I might email him.  Secretly, I think he hoped I would too.

About a year later, I discovered that little scrap of paper in one of my purses, along with all kinds of other notes and random cards, most of which meant absolutely nothing to me by then.  After scrutiny I remembered from whence this particular yellow sticky note originated.  By now it was ‘mile weary’ with lint, lip gloss and other purse goo on it.  I could just barely make out the title of the book let alone his email address. Alas, romance must have not been in the stars. It must have been all about “the book”.

Nonetheless, I stuck the note on my office desk for a few more months in a “to-do” stack that I usually shuffle around occasionally until I can finally just discard it. One day, with my hand paused over the trash can, Spirit said, “Just order that darned book already!” So I did.  It must be incredibly frustrating trying to get people on the physical plane to do things that would actually help them ‘evolve’. First my Spirit Guide had to imprint Airplane guy’s mind, “tell her about the book-you know the one.”  Then Spirit had to implant the idea that I should clean out my purse, something no one wants to do. Finally, my mind needed to be imprinted one more time before I actually ordered the book. Let’s just call this concept Synchronicity even though it may just be a popular anti-coincidence theory.

About this same time, out of nowhere, like most things I write about, I started excavating a piece I called “What’s Love Got to Do with It”?  Man, I must have re-envisioned, re-structured and rewritten that thing a million times over three months.  Love is such a big topic that the entire project just became unwieldy; after all, purportedly Love is all there is. Finally, I realized that even though I knew a lot about love, not necessarily all the good kinds, that the love I really wanted to know about now was “the BIG love that only God knew.”  I was ready to leap in with both feet to become a ‘Big Love’ expert. Problem was, I had no idea how to get there from where I was.

Ironically, though, while I was writing “What’s Love Got to Do with It?” it seemed like every week (or day) some random person or source would say, “You can’t love someone else until you love yourself.”  The first couple of times I thought, “Whatever!”  Then I began to think, “What the heck is going on here?” For example, some guy I barely knew passed me in the hall at the movie theatre coming from the men’s room while I exited the ladies room. “Hey, how are you?” Within two sentences he mentioned he was visiting his daughter and out of the blue she had asked him, “Dad, do you love yourself?” This caused a conversation to ensue, of course. Coincidence? I don’t think so.  Curious and Curiouser.

Actually, that whole love yourself cliché always kind of pissed me off, to be honest. Deep down, I was a pretty harsh critic when it came to me. Twenty years ago, when this cliché theory originated, I remember looking in the mirror like Stuart Smalley taught us on Saturday Nite Live. He would say, “I’m good enough. I’m smart enough and dog gone it, people like me.”   With tenderness, I looked into my eyes in the reflection of a hand held mirror and said, “I love you.” My higher self must have been out flying around the universe so Ego took the call. Not buying it, instantly I hear that annoying voice, “Jeesh, when is the last time you plucked your eyebrows anyway?”

A few months ago I was chatting with my son through a psychic, which occasionally I do one anniversary date or another. He was apologizing for sending crazy people (as he called them) my way because he thought somehow I could help them. I said, “Chad, instead of ‘crazies’, why don’t you send me someone to love?   A boyfriend perhaps? It’s been a really long time and it would be nice to have someone authentic to love.” What do you think Chad said? “I’ll work on that but first”….(you got it)…. “You have to love yourself.” “Damn it, really? Arrrggh!” The psychic laughed and said, “I knew you were going to hate that”; but she did give me a good parting tip. She said, “Start out by making love an action” (verb instead of noun). “It’ll catch on and grow.”

So here I am, searching for Big Love. I had no experience with how to really go about loving myself.  Furthermore, I strongly surmised that the big love that I was now seeking was a whole lot bigger and, maybe even simpler then the convoluted conditional kind that I had known while walking around in my flesh suit.

During this time, I was called to go see Anita Moorijani, author of “Dying to Be Me”, when she visited Denver. Afraid of cancer her entire life, she did everything healthy to avoid getting it. Ironically, she died while in a coma after all of her organs shut down after a long battle with cancer. She flat lined. When she came back into her body, one of the messages she had been given from the ‘other side’, where time doesn’t exist, was to share that our purpose here on this planet is to learn how to love ourselves. I would add to that, loving ourselves throughout every experience life has to offer; the good, the bad and the ugly. There it is, officially gospel. OK, ok, I got it! But how do you do it and how long is this gonna take? I bet there are secrets, Jedi Mind tricks, in this new book that Airplane guy turned me on to. By the way, Anita recovered miraculously from her cancer completely in just a few weeks.

Since I write as an exercise of discovery, I’m sharing just in case the concept of love is befuddling to you too. I know there are a lot of people out there that have this one ‘all figured out’. They are the same ones that keep telling me to go into the light. I spent a lifetime looking in all the wrong places for sure.

So, that’s the back story about how my latest topic the Golden Egg came about.   Alchemy feels like giving birth and if I’m lucky, it just might be a HOT molten Golden Egg or maybe a Nugget would be good. Therefore, I hope the book has some important and interesting messages for us on physicality and “What Love has Got to do with it.” Stay tuned for the conclusion (Part III) of the Golden Egg.

Until then, I’ll leave you with this thought provoking piece from ― Jack Kerouac

“I have lots of things to teach you now, in case we ever meet, concerning the message that was transmitted to me under a pine tree in North Carolina on a cold winter moonlit night. It said that Nothing Ever Happened, so don’t worry. It’s all like a dream. Everything is ecstasy, inside. We just don’t know it because of our thinking-minds. But in our true blissful essence of mind is known that everything is alright forever and forever and forever. Close your eyes, let your hands and nerve-ends drop, stop breathing for 3 seconds, listen to the silence inside the illusion of the world, and you will remember the lesson you forgot, which was taught in immense milky way soft cloud innumerable worlds long ago and not even at all. It is all one vast awakened thing. I call it the golden eternity. It is perfect. We were never really born, we will never really die. It has nothing to do with the imaginary idea of a personal self, other selves, many selves everywhere: Self is only an idea, a mortal idea. That which passes into everything is one thing. It’s a dream already ended. There’s nothing to be afraid of and nothing to be glad about. I know this from staring at mountains months on end. They never show any expression, they are like empty space. Do you think the emptiness of space will ever crumble away? Mountains will crumble, but the emptiness of space, which is the one universal essence of mind, the vast awakenerhood, empty and awake, will never crumble away because it was never born.”

 

 

 

 

What’s the Matter?

Hello God, are you in here somewhere?

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A single wave lapped the shores of Infinity
Consciousness birthed from above
Longing to know itself experientially
Arising from the great Sea of Love

Creator of it ALL, names irrelevant
Our Father throned on High
The singular without a plural
Yahweh, Mother Earth, Father Sky

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Thus, physicality infused the Cosmos
Mystical in its Grace
Swirling atoms, galaxies and Stardust
Neurons firing in empty space

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24 trillion miles to the stars
A spinning planet, our domain
Billions of stars light the Milky Way
While Billions of Neurons fire our brains

Black holes and exploding stars
Inhabit our Outer Space
The Mind, as close as our next thought
A most mystical Inner place

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Energy in motion
E-Motion of intimacy and Grace
The Mind, the Great I AM
Disguised in the Human Race

We explore Genes, DNA and Atoms
Beyond “those eyes” of awe
Yet, the “Mind” and the Universe” remain
The greatest mysteries of all

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God forgot so we could remember
Authentic Self knows the truth
The great desire of the Infinite
To find the Fountain of Youth

To feel the touch of skin against skin
The sun upon his face
To stare up at the stars at night
and find peace in that space

Lust and love, a feast of chemistry
an  electrifying, passionate kiss
Lonely tears trace a path of heartache
For the love she’ll always miss

DEPRESSION

Pain, a great catalyst for Wisdom
After the Perfect Storm
Wisdom promises peace thereafter
Or when the Heart returns Home

Unconditional love, a delusion
Narcistic love our fate
Overused, the words hold no meaning
I’m sorry,” comes too late

The magnificence of the Paradigm
A grand Matrix of Delusion
Physicality laced with emotion
The ultimate Illusion

Still, the secret of life eludes us
While we look to Outer Space
The answer lies within our hearts
The colossal Leap of Faith

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All connected to one another
By a web of Photo-protons
We feel the energy of those on Earth
As well as those beyond

Heaven and Earth, the Masterpiece
The Artist, still a Mystery?
Evolution, a Theory in Crisis
As God smiles Knowingly

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Oh, for the drama of it all!”

And God said, “Whatever IS the Matter?  It’s ALL good!”

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Turning Inward

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Turning Inward

“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.” – Dalai Lama

It is easy to look around the world and see a multitude of issues that need “fixing.” War is a constant in so many places across the globe. Substance abuse is at an all-time high. People seem to be increasingly angry and emotionally reactive. Violence in the form of school shootings, domestic violence, child abuse and criminal activity has become such a routine occurrence in this country that there is increasing desensitization to this horror.

Our culture has tried a myriad of initiatives to address these societal ills with little or no success. There are peace marches but war continues. There is “just say ‘no’ to drugs” but thirty years later, more people than ever are addicted to street drugs and pharmaceuticals. With only 4 percent of the world’s population, the United States houses 22 percent of the world’s prisoners while rates of recidivism continue to climb generation to generation. As a result, it is easy to fall into the belief that there is nothing any one person can do.

When your focus is on the perceived lack of a solution, you unintentionally feed feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, hopelessness and even anger. Of course, as you become more fearful, by definition the world becomes more fearful. Because human beings are wired for connection, it is the individual emotional state that each one of us holds that creates the collective in the world. As a result, when our focus is on fear, our individual fear grows and the result is what is seen in the world today.

In our society, when there is a threat, it is common to look for a hero to come to the rescue. When you do not know the power that lives within you to consciously create in this world, it is easy to think that the answer lies outside of you. Either someone or some other group needs to change or someone or some other group needs to “fix” the situation. The truth is that you are the only hero who can save yourself and elevate our world to a higher state. The hero lies within you.

Although it sounds like a cliché, it is the ultimate truth that only love can conquer fear. The day that you shift your internal state from fear to love is the day that the world changes. From the dawn of time, in this dualistic existence, there has always been a battle between love and fear. The question is whether you will play an intentional role in our collective creation on this planet. Will you have the courage to go within, feel fully the fear that is present, allow it to dissipate and intentionally cultivate yourself to be a vehicle for peace, love and compassion in this world or will you stay stuck in anxiety, fear and anger? Only you can change your internal state and therefore, only you can change the world by turning inward.

As an exercise this month, set an alarm to remind you to take a minute once an hour to check into the emotional state that is present. Are you in a love or fear-based state? Focus on your center point, two inches below the belly button and an inch back towards the spine and breathe from this place. Inhale through the nose thinking, I am, pause, hold the breath, and then as you exhale fully, think, unconditional love, pause, and hold the breath again. Continue for several rounds of this four-sided breath until you feel a sense of peace and love flow through you. When that internal state is anchored within and you focus on becoming an embodiment of the presence of love, the world is transformed by your influence hour-by-hour. The only way to spread love is for each one of us to commit to this practice. It is what the world needs now, more than ever

Love,

Joey

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Conscious Transformation, LLC P.O. Box 351983 Westminster, Colorado 80035 United States (720) 446-5533

Copyright © 2016, Joey Klein/Conscious Transformation™. All rights reserved.

 

The Soul Dance

 

 

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You and I met before we were born

 We sought each other on the other side

Yearning to create Heaven in Density

Mother Earth ascends more rapidly now 

Shaking and shuttering, she expels negativity

Her fury manifesting catastrophes in her wake

Swirling quarks of water and oxygen

Energy folds onto itself in infinite wisdom

 With a splat, we belly flop into physicality

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  Exploring Soul purposes in a 3-D dream

 Our spirits soared blissfully through star lit universes

Tethered buoyancy by a silver thread

God sees himself in our eyes

Feels her pureness beating in our hearts

She breathes our first breath as he sighs our last

Actors wait anxiously behind the closed veil

for the dance of a lifetime

Freewill, the music of the soul

God and Satan, dueling puppeteers

Sorceresses, villains, leaders and sheep

Entangled to one another in a cosmic flash

Gunshots fired by the quiet ones

The innocent, unloved or unheard

That neighbors never suspect

Anger and Love the universal solvents

While darkness fights for its power

 Love has only to remember

We play small, forgetting our greatness

Seeking lightness outside, not within

“Hush, choose love…. listen to the warm”

We will hear his call once more

As she  whispers us home she asks

 ” And, how did you like Heaven?”

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The Other Woman-A Love Story

Some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next.  Delicious ambiguity….

-Gilda Radner

The Story Begins…

I’ve always been idealistic and a searcher; having more questions than answers. I became independent and somewhat of a loner at a young age, not so much by choice as by circumstance. Maybe this makes it easier for me to hear the whisper of passion, the language of Spirit. The focus of my passions has been accumulative and has shifted over the years. It has waxed and waned through the heartfelt moments of love and grief. There were times in which I felt and heard nothing but the lonely echo of a heartbeat, the dark night of my soul. This is where I learned to trust that Spirit was never far away, always listening, always waiting patiently for me to return to my true nature. If I could feel passion in my heart, whether I found it in a baby’s smile, the scent of fresh cut hay, or a hawk on the wing; I could feel the resonance of Spirit within me. Then, in that instant, I would be enough.

Each choice we make in one moment will affect the rest of our life choices; and like a domino effect, possibly the lives of others, near and far. Whether our physical life exists for five minutes or one hundred years, each and every soul will live to impact more people than we can ever imagine. Our mere existence will affect our parents, children, spouses, lovers, neighbors, co-workers, society, and/or the planet either positively or negatively; most likely both. In a chance meeting, we might unknowingly deliver just the right message at just the right time; words that could change the entire direction or life of another.

Have you ever wondered what it is; the song you came here to sing or the story you came here to write? I would sincerely hope that each of us has at least one great love story to tell. This is mine. It begins as a story of young love, the infancy of that puppy dog ‘mad about you’ infatuation of two soul mates that would play out for a lifetime. It is about a boy and girl whose chemistry was perfectly matched even though they were born on different sides of the track. It would be their first and maybe last taste for the global feeling of ecstasy that made them want to roll in the grass and lick each others’ faces; to stare up at the stars as time stopped and the two of them was all there was.

The Other Woman

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Rarely do we have the foresight to see that the smallest decision that we make in a given moment may ultimately be the biggest decision of our lives, rippling forth to touch the hearts of many

Let’s say that life rode you hard and you were put away dripping wet and trembling like a wounded animal.   You wandered out into nature to die because dying seemed easier than the alternative, surviving the inconceivable loss. Instead, you found that deep down, the wildness of nature was still alive in you and restless. For you, nature had always been a common ground for connection, a place where you felt safe to lick your wounds. You were just beginning to feel the pulse of aliveness, of being human again, when out of the blue you received her letter. It was simply addressed to the “Other Woman—the Worst kind of Woman.”

Thoughts that had apparently been brewing in her for over three decades, finally found a voice and it was the voice of pent-up fury. Anger and helplessness seethed from the scathing words that had become frozen over time in her heart. She had somehow found out about your loss and she may have felt that her timing was impeccable for what she had always wanted to say. “Sinners pay now or they pay later, but they always pay, so now, Jan, you get to live the life you created for yourself.”   You felt badly for her as she had clearly suffered for all these years. You had compassion for anyone who had to feel the torment of such suffering. You had been there.

You remember the time you first met him like it was yesterday. It was a warm spring day in Denver during the 70’s and the metropolitan pulse beat palpably in your naïve and innocent Midwestern heart.   You were in way over your head with the heated excitement of a fast paced city life that had been slowly incubated into your future from a hammock in a small rural town in Iowa.

That morning you hurried to dress for work. You tinted your lips a glossy pink as an afterthought. They matched perfectly the color of your favorite sleeveless baby doll dress that you decided to wear that day, making your arms and chest look golden brown against your long sun streaked hair.   Your fiancé gave a woof whistle and then kissed you on the cheek. “What’s the occasion?” he asked. “No occasion, just tired of my clothes.   Thought I’d put on something sweet today,” you said with a mischievous sideways glance. “It’ll give Twyla and Sue something to gossip about at the office.” He chuckled as he opened the door. “I’ll bring home burgers for the grill tonight,” he said as he winked, closing the door behind him.

You and Tom had been sharing an apartment together for almost two years before he placed a diamond under the Christmas tree. You didn’t have the heart to ask if Santa had anything else in his bag, so you were trying on the idea of marriage.   He was only your second lover and your life was just beginning. You already knew that you were not ready but you didn’t know how to tell him. You tried to rationalize your feelings instead of breaking his heart. Rationalizing was a coping skill you had been using since you were a young girl to stop your own heart from breaking.

Because you were relatively new as a Real Estate Closer, you were razor focused on your next project.   You sat at the big round conference table where you were making a quick study of his Developer file the day he walked into the rest of your life. When you glanced up, you saw that he was looking directly at you. He was wearing cowboy boots and blue jeans that couldn’t hide the fact that he had been a lifelong athlete. His blue plaid cowboy shirt with a red bandana accentuated his face, tanned from an outdoor life; and in that instant he reminded you of the cowboy heroes that you had worshipped as a wistful child.

A warm smile spread slowly across his face revealing an expression that you couldn’t quite identify. He looked surprised like he’d just seen you walk on water.   He had thick sandy brown hair that had just enough body to convince you that it wasn’t straight and hazel eyes that spoke a thousand words.   Catching you totally off guard, he struck you as being way too young to be a Developer. You felt the heat of a blush creeping up your neck and you hoped it wasn’t visible.

Your heart skipped a beat the first time he flashed you that infamous smile. You couldn’t help focusing on that sexy crooked grin that had just a hint of mischievous innocence written all over it. It set off a ripple of flutters in your stomach and made your mouth go instantly dry. He leaned across the table extending his hand, “Hi. I’m Dennis; and this is my attorney, Norm,” he said, all the while his eyes fixed on yours. He offered to take your hand and you placed it limply in his not sure if he was going to shake it or kiss it. You managed to faintly squeak out, “Hi, it’s nice to meet you too,” as if he was the first person you’d ever officially met.

How could you know in that moment that for a lifetime you would dance seductively in and out of each other’s lives and fantasies? It was like time stood still and everyone in the room, except the two of you, was frozen in place. His smile would be his signature, forever imprinted in your mind to this day floating just behind closed eyes and future dreams. You were just twenty four, he was seven years older and she didn’t yet exist in your world or his.

The voice behind the mask of persona tells and retells the story cautiously watching for ambiguity and twisted facts. In the end, the facts seemed so simple when told by the subtle whisper of a heart that knew his. When you listened in stillness, in your heart of hearts you heard the voice of that little girl who was simply afraid to feel the pain of lost love once more.

That undying love that the two of you would share for a lifetime was passionate and born out of innocence. It was pure, untouched by life, and safely locked away in its perfect memories to be played over and over on harp strings of passion. She knew in her heart this was a place that she would never be able to reach him. And, that was why she was so angry.

The stories, his, hers and yours, were intimately intertwined and born out of the difference of bias. In his story, you are the love of his life; and in her story, you are clearly the worst kind of woman. In your story, he would always be your champion; your knight in shining armor.   Ahhh, but in your story, it was she, who was the Other Woman.

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Her love was whimsical and free falling, a feverish dance behind a thin veil of gossamer wings and heartache. Perhaps it was a love not meant to be bound in marriage; for even in her own marriage, she would become the other woman. Born to a fear of abandonment, she would become the flawless Archetype. Safely locked in place where it would forever remain seductive in its purity, it was a pristine love that could never die as she played it over and over on the harp strings of passion.

To be continued……