Category Archives: Poetry /Free Verse

FLYING HOME

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWi0HhZqykE

One of my dreams and goals is to create a platform for the purpose of being able to offer a remembrance, a gift of Legacy to others.  I feel it would be meaningful to be able to assist with helping a family sift through the pictures, keepsakes and memories of their lives to find their own very special Legacy; and in doing so, perhaps help them to see the gifts they brought to others.  I believe that everyone needs to be heard and to understand the impact and measure of their life.  Most of us want to know that our caring and love mattered.

My father, a very young eighty-six, looks to be closer to sixty.  Still enjoying riding motorcycles around the country, he says, “if you can’t do what you’re passionate about, why be here?”  This week he is facing a fairly serious surgery, which is why this subject came up today.  My father has always known that I believe stories need to be remembered and told so that we may know why we came and who we are within the experiences of our life.  Dad has always loved telling his stories and especially enjoys reading them over and over whenever I get around to writing them.  In the past couple of years, however, I’ve noticed that his storytelling has taken on a tone of desperateness.  He becomes visually frustrated when family members dismiss him with, “yeah, I’ve heard this one a few times now.”  I imagine this is common for aging people and certainly doesn’t make them feel important or heard.  I’ve been on both sides of this now that my own son reminds me from time to time that I have already told him “this or that”.

One night about a year ago, my father and I were having a midnight chat.  I was sharing things I had learned from talking with people who had Near Death Experiences and gave him a book to read that was written by one of these intrepid survivors.  He was noticeably relieved after reading the book.  I was surprised when he started to reveal different stories; ones I personally hadn’t heard before.  How was this possible with me being the question person?  These stories were raw in the telling; and I was able to detect some underlying fear about dying.   He made the comment, “well, I don’t suppose you know where you’re going when you’ve killed people.”  In shock I said, “What are you saying Dad?  Have you killed people?”  “Well, not exactly,” he admitted to my relief.  He then went on to share about the atrocities of war, in his case, the Korean War.  Raised in a traditional religious philosophy where hell’s fires was a real place, my father seemed to harbor fears of uncertainty as eldership quickly approached.  Even though I don’t personally believe in hell, per se, I can see hell on Earth most days on the news.

My father was just twenty one when he was drafted into the Marines; but oddly, he never talked much about it.  I was still being wheeled around in a baby carriage in the few pictures I saw of our new life in North Carolina at the Marine Base. I love the picture of mom holding my hands so that I could stand in the waves of the ocean.  My mother who was deathly afraid of water, ironically always dreamt of living by a lake, river or the beach. Even though she remembers those days as some of her best, even she didn’t reveal any real stories about their life there.  That night, as we sat sharing our thoughts about  life, it became clear that Dad was proud of how quickly he had been promoted through the ranks to Sargent.  It was important to him that I understand that this was not common.  He seemed to be flattered and laughed as he shared that his fellow marines called him, “The Wildman” even though I feel sure I have not yet heard that entire story.

I feel privileged that my father finally felt like he could open up to reveal the stories of what it was like to be so young with a new wife and a baby; and to be suddenly faced with the horror of killing or being killed.  He said that it was not that rare to lose fellow Marines during training maneuvers, and disclosed racial in-discrepancies that were difficult to imagine.  These were things I had never even thought about.  Unfortunately, the ravages of war are not unfamiliar even today to so many others in the world.

I watched the movie “Sully” last night.  Within the first few lyrics of the Theme song, the profundity of the words was a straight shot to my heart.  Since the time when my son passed, I have chased the mystery and the meaning of life, purpose and our roles in each other’s lives around in my mind and heart for a decade.  The lyrics for the song “Flying Home” were profound in their meaning to me.  I believe they say it all and I wanted to share my thoughts about Legacy with other’s who just may need to hear the words to this song today.  I hope you’ll take a moment to really listen. I have added Flying Home to Chad’s Playlist.

FLYING HOME by Tierney Sutton Band

Theme Song for the Movie “Sully”

TELL ME YOUR STORY, I’LL TELL YOU MINE

SING ME YOUR SONG, I’LL FOLLOW LINE BY LINE

DRAW ME NEAR, LET ME HEAR THE THINGS YOU’VE TREASURED

PATIENT AS FALLING SNOW

STANDING INSIDE THE QUESTIONS

ONLY GUESSING BY WHAT TRUTHS OUR SOULS ARE MEASURED

EACH OF US RISING FROM WORLDS UNKNOWN

WITHIN YOUR TRIUMPHS I SEE MY OWN

STILL THERE ARE JOURNEYS THAT ARE YOUR’S ALONE

YOU WERE BORN FOR THE STORM YOU HAVE TO WEATHER

TRUE AS A WINTER WIND YOU FACE THE MOMENT BRAVELY

YOU AND I, WE’RE ON OUR OWN AND YET TOGETHER

WALKING A PATH WE CAN’T DEFINE

TELL ME YOUR STORY. I’LL TELL YOU MINE

SING ME YOUR SONG, I’LL FOLLOW LINE BY LINE

LET THE NIGHT FALL WITH THE LIGHTNESS OF A FEATHER

TRUSTING THE COMING DAWN

WE CANNOT HOLD THE MORNING

YOU AND I WE’RE ON OUR OWN AND YET TOGETHER

FOR IN THE END, WE’RE ALL FLYING HOME

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“GO ASK ALICE”- WRITER INVITATION TO HELP ME HELP MYSELF

I’ve always known I was a writer but I was busy with a full time career and raising my kids as a single mom….no time….no classes…..no career in writing.  Wah!  In my free time, however, I entertained my friends with stories and at least they thought my stories were entertaining for the most part, especially if they wanted to date me.

I’m assuming for most writers, many times you wake up with words running through your head, right?  And, if you’re like me you may try to remember them later only to bungle it up.  Or, later on paper you can’t understand exactly why you thought it was so profound when you first woke up?    So this happened to me yesterday and I posted the piece on “Stoking the Fire of Chemistry”…to see, click on link at bottom.

So here’s what happened, I scratched a few words down on paper and thought I’d add to it while I had coffee.  I made my Bulletproof Coffee and sat down fifteen minutes later with my paper and who shows up, Alice!  – Word Smith-Ego personality extraordinaire.  She completely tears my Legos apart, adds a bunch of drama and picks at it until the published product may have a couple of the same words but who knows what it means?  Alice likes that part the best, a splash of mystery?

This morning I sat down next to that same paper, picked it up and thought, “Man, I really went down the Rabbit Hole on that whole thing yesterday.  The second piece was more like “Chasing Rabbits” by Jefferson Airplane.

My request is this:  Could you take a peek at the first version (it’s a lot shorter) and then the second Published version and tell me what you think.  Of the two, which speaks or resonates with you?  Or do I need to find a happy medium in-between?  After you read the second version, did you get the gist of it (much more clear in the first version)?

THANKS IN ADVANCE  FOR YOUR SUPPORT.

DO YOU RESONATE WITH THIS?

When anger and frustration rise up in you

Rumbling like a freight train along jangled nerves

And negative thoughts rooted in perception and perfection

creep in to cloud your mind;

Wrap your suffering in compassion

Feel the rush of chemicals through your blood

And with one last big sigh of suffering,

Trace your breath back to Spirit

Fling your anger, frustration and negativity into the fire

The Alchemy where patiently your heart awaits

Go ahead, allow that playful giggle to wake up inside you

Playing at the corners of your Mouth

It’s ok, no one is watching, let go!

You are not unique

 Everyone one gets angry sometimes

Even in their dreams

OR THIS?

STOKING THE FIRES OF CHEMISTRY

STOKING THE FIRES OF CHEMISTRY

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A tidal wave of anger rips through me

I am tossed like a kite in a hurricane

A freight train rumbles down the line -a deafening roar

Along jangled nerves that spark from a frayed wire

It was a nightmare, it was real, and it happened

 

Self-righteous thoughts rooted in false perception

Rising thunderheads trail the ridge thru the night

Dark Stormy clouds perceived by a closed mind

A rush of sultry emotions surge through my veins

Another potent and salacious cocktail of chemicals

Just passing by, looking for a place to ignite

 

As a single tear silently slips from my eye,

And rolls down my cheek, a soul survivor

A tired remnant of a temper tantrumed

Born of innocence, childlike, and impetuous

Humanness and being-ness acknowledged

Leaving room for the inevitable giggle to rise

Teasing and playing at the corners of my mouth

 

I wrap compassion around me like a blanket

From my bed, I reach for my faithful pen

Like organizing pieces of the infinite puzzle

I methodically rearrange words on a page

I search for meaning and the essence of me

Desperately hoping to find something somewhere

 

Just for a moment I pause in the silence

As the whisper of angel wings brush my face

A gentle reminder of why I came

A long sigh traces my breath to Spirit

Where the fires of Alchemy burn

And the ever faithful heart awaits

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OLD INUIT SONG

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This prayer is one to remember in times when your challenges seem so large that you can’t find your way out.  Go back to the heart and be grateful for the simple things that matter, your loved ones and the gift of another day

Prayer at Time of Adversity

 

I think over again my small adventures,

My fears,

Those small ones that seemed so big,

For all the vital things

I had to get and to reach,

And yet there is only one great thing,

The only thing,

To live to see the great day that dawns

And the light that fills the world.

 

 

ROCKET MAN LOVE!

 

This one’s for you…thanks for the Ride!!

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With certainty, because he’d been there,

He says, “I’m going to show you true love” 

He tells you that your expectations stole it from your youth, your innocence

And you no longer recognize its ubiquitous presence

“Love is everything just as White is all colors,” he says 

“Love includes darkness just as White includes black.”

 He just shattered your illusion into a million shards of glass

 

The ride is like a rocket through a wormhole

It rattles your clenched teeth and your jaw tightens

Your muscles scream from the strain

As you try to contain it. You can’t

Something has to give, your heart pounds

Tears burst from your eyes to keep you from imploding and exploding at the same time

And, all at once, you hear yourself laughing like a crazy person

 

This would explain why you could never wrap your mind around it

The Big love that only a special few knew by name 

Funny, you had always thought big love was happiness, joy, bliss, unconditional and sustainable

But now you would come to know it as good and bad, happy and sad

Love was all wrapped up in omnificent expression

Its touch subtle

Its feeling immense

 

This was the real stuff, not at all what you expected

Not the rush of chemicals through your bloodstream

All lightning bolts and fireworks

Dopamine abandoning you to exhaustion

It was a smile, a babe in arms

The pain and emptiness of abandonment

The new bud of a rose unfurling itself to meet the sun

 

It is the whisper that resounds and echoes in your heart

It begins like the slow and throaty snarl of a great African lion

Gathering force with a  guttural and majestic roar that rattles your bones

Goosebumps rise on your flesh and a chill runs down your spine

It’s intensity reverberates  through the confines of who you thought you were

Shaking your entire being to its core

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The quiet hint of its magnitude gathers in your heart

And expands your chest until you can hear your ribs cracking

It rises through your throat, insisting you feel its primordial essence

You clench your jaws tighter,

You try to push it back where it came from, where it belongs, safely contained

This big Love, like a great master of illusion, eludes your efforts

Drifting by silently unnoticed on a veil of gossamer mist

 smoke-through-a-keyhole

Passion rose up in you, tears burst from your eyes and trailed down your cheeks

Your jaws clenched tighter just before loosening the tiniest bit

You transcended into omnificence and expanded into the relief of presence

You became one with the great void that was peace

You heard the sweet sigh of stillness

You felt its weightlessness

And you heard its roar and felt its heaviness

It was the is-ness, the nothingness and the everything-ness

The blinding Whiteness of all colors

 

You allow your thought forms to trail into the clouds that slowly drift from sight

Alone in your omnificence, you float in a blue sky like a playful otter on its back

You are untouched by both the sea of madness and the sea of ecstasy

His voice follows the thought forms that trail into the clouds and disappear

 

All that it was, felt like enough

 Safely contained in your heart-space for eternity

It felt like each color of love melting into the Whiteness

A volcano of molten void

It welled up from the beginning, asking then begging

Spreading its roots crackling through layers of fertile soil

Bursting branches reaching to meet the sky

 

Your body couldn’t contain your passion for life

And it leaked out in tears

That became a stream bursting with the roar of roiling water over a dam

Like the human drama of orgasm screaming for relief

While holding its breath for the long expected final sigh of ecstasy

You wanted it to end

You never wanted it to end

This must be what he meant

 

His voice is softer now as if it comes from another place

It embodies the stillness of a snowflake drifting silently to the ground

 “This is what loves feels like” he says inaudibly

… Then I hear the deafening sound of silence, a final beep of the phone line and he’s gone, a blip on the radar

For a second, the sting of abandonment hung in the air like a period before the sentence

“Just float”, I whispered

 “Forget about him”

 

I rose up from the inky darkness of desertion that had enclosed me

I felt the support and vastness of the blue sky once more

In glee, I floated, twisting and turning, pivoting like a sky diver in free fall with outstretched arms

My heart pounded in my chest

It gasped out of fear and exhilaration

My breath became so shallow that I wondered if it would be my last

…And there you were, blazing towards me like a comet

Hands reaching for mine

From the nowhere-ness of love, you were freefalling your way to me

With intense momentum, you grasped my outstretched hands

We circled in a tailspin of kaleidoscope colors

And felt the thrill of Wing Suit Angels

Skydivers in formation

Together we circled and ‘plied’ through space and timelessness

Ours was a beautiful dance of vulnerability and trust

A dance of eternal love

We felt the velocity of created and creator

 

I gazed upon your face as tears of familiarity blurred my vision and burned a trail down my face

Your tender gaze met mine and your lips slowly turned into a suggestive half grin

Glee replaced emptiness as I screeched, laughing out-loud

I heard your familiar chuckle

In the echo of a thousand voices you said,

“See, I told you!”

 

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BRIDGING THE GAP