…but I’d damned sure like to! My spiritual evolution has felt a lot like I imagine a goose feels trying to pop an egg or two out every day. It probably takes focus. In order to make an egg, you have to practice some sustaining daily processes, like eating grass or laying in it. You probably have to go sit on a nest or a meditation cushion because it’s hard to lay an egg when you’re running around like a mad goose, honking at people that get in your space. It might be a little uncomfortable at times. You might get up and craning your neck, take a peek at your new offspring, the result of all of your hard labor, only to see a white or brown egg instead of a Golden one. With a sigh you might say, “God, with all of this work, shouldn’t there at least be some Gold speckles in this stupid egg?”
So, I’m beginning to get a strong hint that I’m just about one hundred and eighty degrees off on all of my self help, self love, healing practices. Or maybe as “Grasshoppers”, we have to take certain baby hops in order to see the over the next hill? I’ve taken years of classes about energy and energy work. I spent thousands of dollars sitting on my ass on a little hard pillow while most people experience life from the outside in (one of God’s other plans) by going sightseeing and sky or deep sea diving around the world. Ok, I did get to see some pretty awesome countries… I just wanted you to feel sorry for me.
If someone asks, I’d say, “yes, I meditate every day for at least twenty minutes”. Well, mostly that’s true. I light the candles and incense (did you know that the purpose of incense is to clear energy fields? I was told that in India last year by the Monk I was studying under. Who knew-I just thought it smelled good and put me in a good mood). Some days my little timer goes off and I open my eyes to the sudden and disappointing realization that I just sat there and thought for twenty minutes with my eyes closed.
Ego….you can’t live with it and you can’t survive without it. It’s like a neurotic roommate following you around from room to room. A running commentary on everything. “Oh look at the snow. Shit, I have to shovel… late to work again….you can’t afford…blah blah blah.” Commenting on everything, every move I make, judging me (“why are you eating that?”, talking incessantly through an entire movie (“this movie sucks, you know how it’s going to end. Turn the channel…now!!”) But that’s another story for another day.
Here’s what I’ve discovered as my next very important big step to the moon. Perhaps you saw hints of this in my post for “Rocketman Love”. White is made up of all colors and darkness is a part of the light….a big part. So, I’ve surrounded myself by many self promoting “Spiritualists” who have a lot of advice for others. It’s easy to see all the shit I do wrong-even I can see it. What I’ve been hearing them say is such things as, “Thoughts are things. Watch your thoughts. You will create what you believe you deserve not what you deserve. Negative thoughts will create a negative reality”, etc. OK I got that! And, I think that’s true.
About a year ago, God upped the ante, suggested my next “hop” on the way to the Golden Egg. I had dinner with a very strongly opinioned local French girl who had a near death experience, not at dinner but skiing in Vail when she was young. She said, “you probably meditate all wrong”. My ego reacted with self righteousness, “how dare she!” As I explained, politely for the most part, that she was full of shit because every day I did this routine…blah blah blah. She said you’re chasing the good feelings, the light (well, who wouldn’t want to do that, that’s the point, right?); but what about really feeling the dark shadow side?” (These are my words, not her exact words). I’m thinking where you focus is what your reality becomes. Where your energy level is, is the place from which you create your thoughts, emotions, your projections, your reality. Well, they say, when you’re ready, the teacher appears. I seem to have a flock of them, dropping out of the sky, showing up at the end of my driveway or behind the barn. I pay attention to some of them right away and others….maybe I have an “Aha” moment a year or two later.
A year ago, I met this stranger on an airplane….”stay tuned for THE GOLDEN EGG.” You won’t want to miss this.