Odd, I never noticed the magazine quote Chad had cut out and pasted to the lamp in his bedroom until after he was gone. It said, “Marijuana, at least it’s not Crack!” Drugs were just not an option or something I worried about in my household. Call it naïve I guess. It wasn’t a problem until it was but not until he had graduated from High School and was flying high on his new plans for life…
CONTINUED ….. PART IV OF VI
It wasn’t until after he was gone that I even discovered that he was on crack and that crack was not the same as Cocaine…. not by a long shot. I had talked to the police and other so called “experts” in the valley when my son had become a missing person. Even then, I didn’t know shit about crack or just how addictive it was. A complete stranger called me after reading an article I published in the Newspaper called ‘A Monster Lives in our Valley’. He said, “The only thing stronger than Crack Cocaine is God”. He had been a ‘poster boy’ in a rich Dallas neighborhood. He too was ADD and had become addicted at the age of fourteen. Later we met. He told me all about the monster that had stolen my son. All the real information I received came from people who had been addicted to crack, Meth and even Heroin. I didn’t know at the time that all of this came too late for us. They all knew firsthand what it was like to make one bad choice, usually while on a gateway drug. Most of us have made bad decisions while drinking; but these hard drugs, given the right blood chemistry, might result in a problem so big that it would never be solved. Would a friend really sell you out to the Devil? Apparently, so.
The week before Chad was to move in with his Dad was when I first realized things were completely out of hand. I sent him for a haircut with my debit card. He stole $600 from my account over the next two days before he returned my card. When I discovered this, I came unhinged. I was furious with him because I did not understand that this was not something you could easily fix or un-will from your life even if you wanted to. I am not proud how I handled this. Adrenaline raced through my veins and I struck back at fear with force and said horrible things I now wish I could take back. His was an act of desperation but I didn’t get it at the time.
In tears of shame, Chad started for the door and I grabbed at his coat sleeve. “Mom! You have got to let me go! The drug dealers are threatening to kill me and they said they are going to mess with you.” I thought he was overreacting, just paranoid. “Don’t worry about me, Chad. No one will mess with me! I want you to move in with your dad. He can protect you. Besides, Valerie is always home. Please!” He walked out the door and I couldn’t stop him.
I had no idea what to do. Who to call or where to go. I felt all alone. I lay wide awake, tossing and turning as I so often did before he became sober the year before. I was worried sick. Finally I heard his truck at four A.M. With tears in my eyes, I raced down the stairs and hugged him, and begged him profusely to forgive me. He pushed past me and that’s when he said he nearly froze to death…so no, I was sure he wouldn’t kill himself. He didn’t even like being cold.